After the exertions of the past few days, not to mention the emotional roller coaster, I’m fairly exhausted. Had to get up to take wifey in to work this morning, but I went straight back to bed after I got home and slept until gone 3pm. Now I’m on the Tramadol because my body still aches so much, but at least it’s helping.

Today I’m going to leave aside matters of gender completely to discuss “respect”.

Reading through some of the stories on Yahoo I came across this one about a woman, Brelyn Bowman, who presented her father with a “Certificate of Purity” on her wedding day.

Yep, that’s right, a “Look, Dad, I’m still a virgin!” message.

As is always the case with anything to do with someone’s “personal choice” the reactions to this online have varied from support to vilification, but in commenting on this story I want to concentrate on it from a very simplistic point of view.

It seems to me that whenever the trolls attack someone online they try to support their take on things by misquoting, or having misread or misunderstood, the original post that they read. To me this says a lot about the mentality and intellectual capabilities of said trolls. Go figure.

Anyway, back to the plot.

To start with one needs to recognise and accept the fact that Brelyn’s father is a Pastor and a very spiritual man. When each of his children reached the age of 13 he had them sign a covenant promising that they would not have sex before marriage.

Ok, so I guess most people would say that’s a bit over the top, and I would surely agree with that point of view, but I also recognise that we know nothing of the “overall situation” in the Bowman household, by which I mean the atmosphere within which the children have been raised. If one takes time to consider this along with what we now see as the outcome of this story one would be inclined, I think, to conclude that it was a very loving and caring family situation, albeit one in which religion and God play a very important and meaningful role and the father, as a Pastor, wished his children to grow up to be clean, God-fearing adults and a credit to society as a whole. In many respects I wish there were more such households in the world these days.

It is also true to say, as is mentioned in the Yahoo version of the story, (Newsflash: Yahoo got something right!), that the female hymen is not “the same” in every woman; like all physical features there will be differences from one person to another, and the existence of a hymen, or what may appear to be a part of one, cannot be taken as proof positive that the woman has not had intercourse.

So, with those considerations in mind, how do we analyse Brelyn’s actions on her wedding day?

For my part I think what she did was quite an amazing display of love and respect, even though I cannot say it would be something I would ever have done had I been a born cis-female. (Even rewriting history, going to the doctor for that would have been a waste of time anyway *cough*)

She is now an adult and free to make her own choices in life. She can be whatever kind of person she wants to be; good, bad, or somewhere in between. Even though the certificate cannot be taken as an absolute guarantee, there are certainly no moral grounds on which to doubt her virginity.

And she chose to show that, without any of the coercion that the haters would have us believe took place due to their misinterpretations, she loves and respects her father and had never forgotten that promise made by a young and impressionable girl.

On the day of her wedding, the “most important day in her life”, she chose to symbolise that day of change not only by showing everyone that her father had indeed helped her to grow into a fine, honourable, caring and loving adult, one that society should be proud to have within it, but also by thanking him for his part in that process with a very special gift.

A truly touching moment.

I wish her, her new husband and her father continued happiness.

Her husband is a very lucky man and any children they may conceive will have a very special mother.