Archive | November 2015

Transgender definition

Being transgender is not a “lifestyle choice”, but getting that message across to people isn’t always easy.

As with trying to explain any complex issue to people one has to use words and phrases that person can relate to in order to help them understand, and each of us is different in what “gels” with us. I also feel in a lot of cases it is easier to understand things from the viewpoint of someone with direct experience of the subject in hand rather than just all the scientific babble which is out there and is, in many cases, too complicated to maintain the readers’ interest.

Since my moment of realisation about my true self in 2013 I’ve seen some very well written blog posts, articles and some good videos online which I feel explain it all very well, and with that in mind although the past ones have slipped through the net I’m now starting a collection here on the blog of links which I hope will help people to a better understanding of the issues involved.

Flip over to the Transgender Definition page for the first link, and I’m hoping to update it with more on a regular basis.

To those of you who celebrate it, have a Happy Thanksgiving and may peace, love, joy and understanding go with you.

I knew it, it’s in the genes!

Having read Ariadne’s post today about surnames it got me thinking about my grandchildren and the fact that my daughter had changed all their surnames to hers/mine. (Long story).

The trouble was for the life of me I couldn’t remember what one of my grandchildren was called! … Duh!

So I thought I’d Google our real-life surname, which is a very unusual one, a) to trigger my memory and b) just to see how big a web profile they each have.

I came across a lot of other interesting things relating to our name along the way, but I really had to laugh when I spotted this Twitter profile of one young lady in Texas who has the same surname.


It’s in the genes, I tell you !!!

So “the system” conspires to lose us another sister

Vicky Thompson

Vicky Thompson

Following on from the much publicised case of transgender Tara Hudson being initially sent to an all male prison we now hear of the apparent suicide of Vicky Thompson. My heart goes out to all those who knew her.

The BBC reports that, despite pleas from her solicitor that she be treated with due respect and housed in a woman’s prison, she was sent to the all male Armley jail, Leeds prison, where she was found unresponsive and subsequently died on Friday 13th November. Vicky had, apparently, told friends that if she were to be sent to an all male prison then she would kill herself.

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Transgender Day of Remembrance


Today is a day where we are all asked to set aside some time for reflection. To think about those whose lives were taken purely because of who they were. Callously murdered simply for being themselves.

Over the years they have been many, but even one life extinguished out of irrational hatred is too many.

I’ll be going along to the Women’s Wellbeing Group: “Thank You” get-together, partly because it’s a group that I haven’t had the opportunity to attend before, but particularly on this occasion to join with them in showing solidarity and respect for those we have lost. We may never have known our lost comrades personally, but we walk a similar path, suffer similar emotions, similar stresses, and hold similar hopes and dreams that they once held.

Tonight’s meeting will be our very own version of Thanksgiving where we come together to share food, music, stories and experiences. There is also the option of taking along items for the local Food Bank, and I’ve put together a selection of things which are on their “most wanted” list.

Even if you don’t have a local group doing anything to mark this day I would ask you to try to find a few moments to take time out to reflect. Maybe light a candle at home, or in a church that you may pass during the day, and just remember that people the world over, not just transgender people, face hatred, persecution, violence and death due to the ignorance and irrational fears of others.

We need to stop hatred in this world, in all its’ forms. We need to learn to live together in peace and to accept that everyone is different, everyone is unique, and everyone has a right to be the person they are inside.

Let today be a day where we spread that message as a tribute to those who went before us and paid the ultimate price.

Thank you.

LGBT group Drop-In Night

I didn’t go to the Drop-In last Monday evening. I was on a downer and feeling really flat so at the last minute I ditched my plans and just stayed home.

Since yesterday I’m feeling much perkier again though, and so I muddled through my preparation routine and got myself “glammed up” to go. I had intended to drop in at Next on the way out of town to get a lovely pair of brown belted ponte boot cut trousers that I’ve had my eye on for a while. They look lovely on the rail, the material is really nice, and I think I can get a pair that will fit me. In my usual muddled way though I forgot about allowing for the rush hour traffic, and so as I set off I realised I wouldn’t have time today. Oh well …

Group was really good though. 🙂 Chatted a lot, especially with another T-girl, and tidied up plans to go along to the Women’s group get-together this Friday.

What pleased me the most though was the way I looked.

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Trans-parental nomenclature

It’s not something that’s relevant in my own life, but for those in families where one parent is transitioning I see problems as to how the transitioning parent should be addressed within a family where younger children are involved.

Ariadne over at Translucidity has posted about the experiences of her family, and it got me thinking on this.

Does our language need to come up with new nomenclatures for parents who transition?

Whilst that parent will probably always still be “Mum” or “Dad” to their children it is incongruous to refer to, say, a now female biological father as “Dad” all the time.

The first obvious solution would be to in some way intermix the standard, gender defining titles of Mum, Mom, Dad, Mother and Father, but this doesn’t work. One ends up with words like Mather, Fother or, worse still, Dum, Dom and Mad!

Ariadne’s family are working through this together in a sensible and caring manner and will no doubt settle on something appropriate for all of them with regard to how Lisa is addressed, but is that what happens in all such families? I don’t know.

So I’d be interested to hear of any Trans-Parental naming conventions that you feel might be appropriate as a generalised solution to this problem plus, of course, your own experiences of overcoming the issue within your own family situation as others may find this helpful.

The Beach Hut

20151110 Beach Hut
Coming down the stairs I then headed to the kitchen to put Mickey’s clothes into the wash, calling to Liam “I think he’ll sleep well tonight, he was playing in the garden most of the day.”

Liam was on the couch watching the game so after setting the washing going I poured myself a glass of wine, grabbed a couple more beers from the fridge and went in to join him.

“Ugh, down by 16 already?!” I remarked as I placed the beers on the coffee table in front of Liam. “Yeah”, he replied, “Including a safety and a TD interception. They need to make some changes in that team, and fast, or this season will over before half way.”

I settled down next to him on the couch and we snuggled up close, as we always do. The game barely improved and we were still 13 down at the half.

During half time we snuggled and kissed a little, and then Liam suddenly said, “You know, we could do with a break …what say we go down to the Cape one weekend soon? Take the little fella along to see where it all started, huh?”

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Red Carpet of Everyday Transgender Folk

So I was thinking …

Are you, or do you consider yourself to be, Transgender? … That’s me.

Ever been snapped by the paparazzi on the red carpet at some glitzy Hollywood event? … Nope, me neither.

Had thousands of pounds/dollars worth of cosmetic surgery? … Ha!

Do you have a team of make-up artists, hair stylists and costumiers at your beck and call? … Yeah, right! *pfft*

And I guess you don’t see your picture plastered all over the glossies either? … Thought not.

So your lifestyle, appearance or even gender don’t really live up to the general image of transgender people as portrayed by the media in images such as these? …

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 22: Candis Cayne arrives at the 2009 American Music Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on November 22, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Candis Cayne

LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 15: Honoree Caitlyn Jenner accepts the Arthur Ashe Courage Award onstage during The 2015 ESPYS at Microsoft Theater on July 15, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Caitlyn Jenner

… Nope, nor me.
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