No names, no pack drill here, but lately things have been getting really knotted up in my head.
The situation is this.
I know a certain two trans* individuals, (not those pictured above), both in their 20’s and both beautiful people visually and personality-wise. It would be fair to say that I get floods of Trans Envy every time I see them due to the fact that they both pass particularly well. One is very feminine gender fluid, the other is transfemale.
Age Envy has been with me for a long time now as I have yearned more and more for those teen years when I wore gender-challenging things and, deep inside, wanted to cross over to the female I have always been.
What is making life really difficult for me right now is that one of these beautiful people has confided in me that the two of them are getting quite “close” and, without even thinking about where that could lead, the thought that at their age I could have met and fallen for someone of their ilk, had the world been a different place, makes the longing to relive the past explode within my thoughts.
Since adolescence I have had a recurring mental image where I am female, in a kitchen with another woman (that I assume to be a neighbour), sharing a glass of wine and having a normal, female chit-chat and a laugh, and there is a “spark” that suddenly lights in both of us as we brush past each other.
These two young people have made me aware for the first time that the other woman in that image could possibly be another trans woman rather than cisgendered!
So, not only do I envy them their situation and their individual hopes and dreams for their futures, but those missing 40 years since I was of their age are really grinding on me now more than ever.
Trans Envy all the time, plus blinding Age Envy?!
Pass the Prozac, please …
A thought for the day