So that went well … or not.
As I said in my last post there was some of some of my washing out on the line with the general household washing when wifey came home from work the other day.
After quite a black look in my direction she pointedly took all the other washing in, leaving my things behind.
I then took my things in and left them in the washing basket in front of her to see what would happen when she came to do the ironing. They were still there the next morning, untouched.
As they hadn’t quite had time to dry 100% properly I put them out again the next day, and again left them there until she came home. This time she did take them in but no more than that, leaving them in the washing basket once more.
I’m going to keep pushing these boundaries. Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey.
Been there Tish. Maybe better than your (and her) passive aggressive stances, you might consider bringing yours and hers in from the line while she is home and then starting on the joint ironing chore, leaving the ironed clothes on display on hangers for some time.
The message might be that your girl clothes exist, that you are not embarrassed by them, that you are not playing hidings, that you are not playing privilege, that you are reasonable.
That is going to be a difficult message to reject. It may still take some time but I have found some success with being reasonable, generous and predictable.
Keep us posted on your attempts.
Unfortunately, much as I’d like to, I can’t do the ironing. My back is particularly fragile at those “slight angles” that are needed for such tasks. It even went on me once bending just an inch to put the key in the door, and I spent 2 weeks on crutches. A complete 90 degree bend is actually safer!
But i do take your point that a more open position is needed and that there needs to be some give and take, from both sides.
I’ll work on that and try to come up with something that will help us both move forward.
Personally, I wouldn’t advise pushing this too far. I’m in a similar situation. My partner knows that I dress as Susie, and accepts it without wanting to be part of it, as long as I’m discreet, rather than secretive. It’s not an ideal situation, but it’s workable.
I envy you that your partner at least accepts this part of you. Wifey is totally against any and every aspect of my needs in this regard.
At the start of this month the Mental Health Nurse at my GP virtually “ordered” me to go full time as myself because of how the situation is affecting me. Five years on from my initial realisation of my truth, and I still have to hide my things around the house.
I really do NEED to be full time.
My solution to the washing problem is that I do the weekly washing and hanging out, but make sure that I separate out Susie’s undies when I take it in. If I have to wash anything more obvious, like tops or dresses, I leave those for a day when I can do a separate wash when I’m on my own.
I have come to accept that Susie is a ‘part time girl’, and much as I enjoy being her (and would dearly love more opportunities to express that side of me) I don’t think I could cope with the hours of preparation it takes to make her presentable, even if only to me, every day.
Oh yes, it sure is possible to do it that way, and sometimes I do, but the idea is for me to be full time, and with that comes full integration. I have memory and organisational difficulties due to an accident a few years ago, so most of the time (because my clothes are “hidden away”) I forget to add them to the main wash anyway. (Not ideal …)
I’m sorry that Susie can’t live the life she would like. I wish we all could, without having all these issues around us. And, like you, the hours of preparation are a pain, (I was about to say a “drag”), but the end result is sure worthwhile. 🙂