About

Hi, and welcome to the world of a transgender female.

I had my “day of awakening” in 2013, just a couple of months short of my 60th birthday and hope one day to achieve full transition.

Nay-sayers will say “you can never be a real woman”, and in the complete physical sense that is true, but that won’t stop me from pursuing my dreams.

At the end of the day being transgender isn’t all about the physical aspects, it’s about how one feels inside … how one feels when being viewed and related to by others as a person you are not.

I started this blog a little more than 2 years after my awakening, at a time when I have made significant further discoveries about myself, my thoughts and my feelings, and have had my first appointment at the Gender Identity Clinic. The blog will cover my progress, my feelings, my desires and aspirations, and basically whatever happens to be on my mind on any particular day in relation to transgender issues.

Come join me, and let’s tread this path together.

*Hugs*

Tish

Update October 2015: Diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria. T-Blockers agreed upon with review in January and then hopefully E-Patches. YAY! 🙂

Update April 2018: Oops … forgot to update this in a while. Have been on E-Patches for … 2 years now? Loving them !!! And the hot flushes are to die for … lol

22 Comments

22 thoughts on “About”

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  6. Hi Tish,

    We share some similarities. For one we we about 60 when we came out to ourselves. While you are already 2 years into hrt, I started last month.

    I also love your philosophy. At one time I had the why can’t I be pretty like her syndrome. I eventually overcame this and now view myself as a mature woman, and most of the time I feel I present as that. Maybe not in behavior (lol). I am young at heart.

    Stephie

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    • Hi Stephie!
      Thanks for stopping by, and for your sweet words.
      I find that from a mental health point of view being transgender is so very multi-layered and to be honest, certainly for my part, the “trans envy” never really goes away; it’s just something that will always have to be endured in the same way it always has. But having finally got out as the real me I can at least say to the world “Here I am, warts and all”.
      Glad to know that you’ve started the HRT. Congratulations! The hot flushes are to die for, aren’t they?! 😀
      You make a good point too, and I think you’re right. I also feel present as a mature lady when I’m out and about. Maybe I can’t wear the “young” styles that I would have wanted to, but I can dress appropriately and take huge pleasure from getting the accessories right.
      Take care, stay safe, and please keep in touch.
      *hugs*
      Tish

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      Reply

      • Your welcome sweetie,

        I take my mental wellness very serious after years of being under the shadow of depression and mired in anxiety. Overcoming these 6 years ago allowed me to start exploring my femininity, which in private started to come out in spades. I have over come the dreaded syndrome with the help of support, CBT, and visualization.

        When I started my exploration I was dressing exclusively dressing i =n sexy outfits (I have heard this is not unusual), but once I start the process of social transitioning I turned to more modest and maybe age appropriate clothing (I tend to wear pink a lot though). I feel I am building a wardrobe that is more creative than that sexy look (still dress like that in my private moments) and expresses myself more deeply.

        No hot flashes yet. I’m on low doses at the moment. Hope to go up in July, crossing my fingers my blood work will allow that.

        “Keep on pushing straight ahead,” Stephie

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        • Yes, we go through a second “maturing” process after we acknowledge ourselves, don’t we? I know that after I had my epiphany I was in a completely different mental state to what I am now; almost aggressively “out”. But we come down from that high and “grow” as people. We level off, become more sensible and, most importantly, more respecting of others – whether they be understanding of our situation or not.
          Pink fills up a lot of my wardrobe – I actually ordered a pinky/orange skirt online in the short time since my earlier comment. 😀 I certainly like pastel shades in general, but try to add a touch of something *whoomph* too, even if it’s only the hard red lippy. 😉
          If we’re in the mood for mottos … “It takes balls to be a girl”. 🙂

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        • Most of do, but I hesitate to use we as it might not be everyone’s experience. Everyone is an individual, so we are not cookie cutter images of each other. I feel strongly about this. I get quite offended when someone trying to be inclusive says “we are all the same.” I am not.

          I do a lot of black for some reason. I should post a mini on my blog of my latest outfit. Back midi and gray cardigan with black booties. I was wearing something pastel and a ciswoman said I look good with cool colors. But I wear what I like. I even have a maroon turtle neck. Picked it up at a Goodwill. Probably a third of my wardrobe comes from there.

          Lol, but I do hate using the word “balls.” Well hopefully I won’t have those in the future

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  7. No, we’re not all the same, we are very much individuals, but we are still all “we” in the general sense.
    Although my wardrobe is mainly pastel the outfit I’ve had most compliments about is black flares, black block heeled sandals, loose white flimsy top, white bag (purse for you ‘Mericans) with black and gold highlights, and the stark red lippy with matching hairclip. And I feel a million bucks when I’m wearing it. 😀
    I’m going to be stuck with the dangly bits, unfortunately, but I’ve accepted that fact now. After all, it’s way to late to have anything done to give me something “useful” down there. maybe if I was in my 20’s again … 😉

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    Reply

    • Fair enough on your usage of “we.”

      Both of my purse are pink. My backpack one and my tote. My next one will likely be pink too. I just order some hair clips. I am waiting for them to arrive.

      I don’t feel I’m too old at 60. It is weird though that sexually I am ambivalent about my equipment, but things like peeing shoots my dysphoria up a couple of notches.

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      Reply

  8. I too stepped down as a coordinator of one of the groups within out TG group here. It was for totaly different reasons. I loved that group and they did so much for me. I miss them very much.

    I’m so sorry to hear of your experience. Various trans groups exist in may parts of the world either as support or social groups. Do not give up on them. Perhaps, after the current pandemic is old news you can go back to them. A bad leader can kill a group and I’m sure if that’s the case others will notice that.

    Be well, Tish, and stay happy. Things will bet better.

    Calie xx

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    Reply

    • Hi Calie,
      I loved this group too. Seeing the way newcomers came out of their shells and began evolving into their true selves, it was like watching children grow into adulthood. And it was as if they were MY children, at least in some small part.
      The other coordinator isn’t a bad leader, far from it, but this wasn’t the first time that she’d not expressed requirements properly and had caused me grief after I’d begun on a project only to find that I was wasting my time.
      Will I go back, one day? I don’t know.
      The important thing right now is to concentrate on myself and get through the rest of this pandemic as best I can.
      Maybe I’ll start feeling more confident and less depressed again once I can get out as myself a bit more often.
      Thanks for your comments and support.
      Stay safe.
      *hugs* T xx

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      Reply

        • Thanks Stephie.
          You’ve had a lot to be thankful for lately so I’m not surprised your demeanour is improving, and it’s good to hear. 🙂
          I’ll pull through, it’ll just take a while to get sorted. Maybe I’ll start following your lead and do something about getting my paperwork changed? That would sure give me a boost!
          Stay safe.
          *hugs*

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