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A letter to my younger self – Aged 35

Hello you!

Yes, just those two short words have a special significance to you now, don’t they?

Who would ever have thought that someone would walk into your life out of nowhere and have such an effect on you in so many ways?

I just goes to show, we never know what’s around the corner.

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A letter to my younger self – Aged 25

Hi hunny,

So you got married young then. And the little one’s starting school already! *sigh*

Well of course in a different universe you’d have listened to what I told you last time, but as it is you’ve sort of “blown it”. Now you have responsibilities to others so it’s going to be tricky trying to be yourself, isn’t it?

Ok, I’m not going to press the point too much. You know as well as I do that your late teens were the time when you actually needed to get done something about it and have a fulfilling life ahead of you.

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A letter to my younger self – Aged 15

Hey kiddo!

How’s things?

Wow, you’re growing up fast. So tall!

I just thought I’d drop you a line to let you know some of the things I’ve discovered and to give you an idea of what’s ahead for you.

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Insulting behaviour

Just lately it seems as if I’m at war with an unknown entity; an elusive, pervading, mischievous spirit that seems hell bent on disrupting all forms of communication.

To put it in a nutshell, I seem unable to communicate with people without accidentally insulting them or causing them some form of upset. This usually happens when my intention is to make a joke or lighten a situation, but I’m so WAY OFF target that it is becoming embarrassing. I had my first Covid vaccination this week and, whilst putting on my coat and gathering my things together I even managed to insult the kind, charming, pleasant (and hunky) soldier who had given me the jab. What the hell was THAT all about?

There are few enough people that I communicate with at the best of times. With lock down that number has reduced still further, and almost all of that communication is electronic. The way things are going I can foresee a situation where that number hits the big zero as I drive more and more people away.

I guess, for the moment at least, it’s probably best if I limit the potential damage to those around me by giving up trying to communicate and just shut the f*** up.

I hope all of you are faring better in this regard.

This is turning into a full time job

Many of you may be aware that I help coordinate a local Transgender support and social group. It is something I’ve been doing for the past four years or more.

The group has received much praise for the work it does and is well respected within the local community.

Through 2019, and especially toward the latter end of it, I felt that I was running out of the energy and motivation needed in order to continue to work for the group. I expressed my need to back away to the other Coordinator and we began to look for other group members who could step up and take over some of the responsibilities involved.

It was a slow process, but help was forthcoming and I was able to sit back in a more minor role and just keep my finger on the pulse.

Then, of course, 2020 happened.

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Connections and motivation

It’s as if a weight has been lifted, not just from my shoulders but from those of the world.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been working with a colleague, D, from another local LGBT+ organisation on revamping and expanding a Transgender Awareness training module that the co-coordinator of our Trans support group and I put together a couple of years ago. Well, I say “working on”; I guess what I really mean is “trying to work on”.

As with so many things I talk to people, make notes, think about ideas, make mental plans, but actually getting down to action? Well, that’s something else. That final motivation and inspiration is often lacking, a situation that is oh too common since my accident some thirteen years ago.

I started this week very much not able to function in any real sense, but then something changed. A light began to emerge from the darkness.

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Has it gone? Can I look yet? …

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Wow, what a crap fest 2020 was, right up to the last day!

On New Year’s Eve I realised I wasn’t going to be able to suffer the pain any more over the upcoming long weekend, and so got an emergency appointment at the dentist and had two teeth removed. That doesn’t leave me with a vast selection any more.

Roll on 2021, I thought.

Hmmm….

Welcome to 2021. Welcome to … A new lock down until at least the end of January! Wonderful!

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Just when I needed them: Pronouns – and a challenge

I’ve been finding it hard lately to come up with something to blog about. Oh sure, there’s a whole rack of YouTube videos I have flagged and ready to roll, but knowing which is most important or what to say to lead into them has been somewhat holding me back.

Today that changed, and thanks to Beau for this insightful message to everyone. I’m not sure he really knows what a sea-change he may have started.

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Discreetly calling for emergency services

If you’re ever in need of assistance in a life threatening situation and are unable to speak clearly to the responder for fear of being found out then remember this story, and adapt it for your own country as appropriate.

Stay safe.